Tuesday, August 5, 2008About a year ago, this new guy starts working on my team. The first day I meet him, he points to the top of my cube-mate's head and says, "Nice hair. Are you trying to look like Jason Bourne?"
My cube-mate at the time had the front part of his hair sticking up. The truth is, he did look sort of funny. Still, it was strange and unusual for some new guy to make fun of his hair so quickly. Especially when the new guy's hair is all messed up too.
The new guy wears a red and blue striped shirt, shorts, and sneakers. With that messy black hair and a goofy smile on his face he is a dead ringer for Ernie from Sesame Street. Seriously, if you saw a photo of Ernie and then saw this dude in real life you would swear that he is Ernie.
My cube-mate is a big fan of the Jason Bourne movies. He enjoys the Harry Potter books too. In fact, my cube-mate said to me once, "I am Harry Potter." Sometimes he wears a shirt that has an iron-on print of himself when he was a small child being held in his Mother's lap. All the girls love it. What a douche.
Ernie sometimes torments my cube-mate with questions like, "Who do you think would win in a fight between Harry Potter and Jason Bourne?" After thinking about it for a few seconds, my cube-mate responds, "Jason Bourne is unbeatable."
"What about Harry's wand?" Ernie asks.
My cube-mate smiles and replies, "Bourne would find a way to get it away from Harry without him even knowing it. He's that good!" It's hard to take sides with a guy who wears a picture of his mother on his chest.
Conversations like these went on for months. Eventually, my cube-mate had enough and left for the East Coast to become an FBI agent. He's had a lot of training by watching UFC videos at work. By the time he leaves, I've learned all about Crow-Cop and his deadly ribcage kick! I've never known a guy so obsessed with UFC, Jason Bourne, and Harry Potter.
Sometimes Ernie asks me what I think my old cube-mate is up to. I'm not sure, but I have a feeling it involves watching UFC videos and crooning over Jason Bourne.
Listen to the audio recording here: http://media.libsyn.com/media/jakespage/jnr121.mp3
5 comments:
A sniper rifle at 100 yards would definately take care of the wand. What Harry can't see, Harry can't stop.
Check out the hot debate about who would win here:
http://forum.blu-ray.com/showthread.php?t=59373
Nice!
I think your two cubemates vs. carbon monoxide would be entertaining, but that's just me. In all seriousness though, if this is going to be a fair fight, Jason Bourne needs to have a puppeteer's hand up his ass during the entirety of the fight.
Wow...you have my husband all figured out! Thank you for making me laugh...yes Lee is still all about UFC and spreading the love for Jason Bourne!
Harry Potter vs. Jason Bourne???
I really think it comes down to 2 factors. What mood is Jason in and is Harry allowed to use magic. If Jason got cut off in traffic or the store was out of his brand of smokes, harry is doomed. If harry can use his magic skills, jason is in a bit of trouble.
Here is how I se it going down:
Harry is hanging out with his new friends. Now that he is famous, hermoine and ron are history. They are not cool enough and they conform too much. Harry has turned in his stupid, winged horse for a hog, leather and a life on the edge.
Jason is just trying to live a normal life. He has a job at a local convenience store. The hours suck, but he gets a 10% discount and first pick of the throw away hot dogs. His day was boring as usual. Some dork tried to stick him up last night, but a dislocated elbow and a wet willy took care of the issue.
Jason is listening to his ipod shuffle (the original shuffle and not the new fangled little one. His works just fine so why spend more money just to be cool?) on his walk back to his crap hole of an apartment. The water is yellow, but the rent is cheap.
Just as Barry Manilow is reaching the climax in Mandy, it happens. Harry decides to impress his buddies and casts a spell that turns the shuffle into an 8 track player. If that wasn't enough, it is playing Glenn Campbell. Jason instantly sees maroon with a tinge of glitter and spray cheese.
Harry is busy making sure that the collar on his jacket is sticking up straight (the spell he ordered from the back of boy's life was a total rip) when Jason strikes. He grabs harry and twists his arm til it snaps. He transitions into a throat chop and a foot sweep. Harry lays on the pavement bleeding like a guy who's been beat up and is bleeding.
Just when Jason is about to end things with a foot stomp, hermoine and ron come around the corner and freeze him where he stands. They help Harry to his feet and wipe his tears. Harry then incinerates Jason with a forbidden spell.
Harry apologizes to hermoine and ron for being such a jerk. They all have a god laugh and go get some ice cream.
The moral of the story. Glenn Campbell is bad.
Harry wins as usual by cheating.
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