Use Your Throat, You Must

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Kenny G., in his smooth jazzy way, performs his impression of Yoda from Star Wars for me.

KENNY G: “I can’t do it on command.” I have to prepare my throat.”

He coughs a few times, takes a step back and speaks the following in a thin Yoda-like grumble:

KENNY G: “Use your throat, you must.”

It was pretty good.

A fellow co-worker who I no longer write about… let’s call him “Elmo,” asks Kenny G. if he does any other Star Wars impressions, such as Chewbacca. Kenny G. thinks about it. After awhile, the conversation turns to a parody of Yoda and Chewbacca having sex.

It goes like this:

CHEWIE: “Raaaaaaaaawr!”

YODA: “Come, you will. Yes! Yes!”

CHEWIE: “Raaaa. Raaaaawww. Raaaaaaaaaaaaaawrrrrrr!”

YODA: “Use the force! Ahhhhh!”

CHEWIE: “[Wimper]”

Sticky fur. You get the idea.

Kenny G. leads quite an eclectic life. He once told me of a time he walked all over campus at The University of Utah looking for the registration office.

KENNY G: “There were so many buildings. I couldn’t figure out where I needed to go.”

JAKE: “Did you ask somebody for help?”

KENNY G: “No. I didn’t know anyone and I wasn’t familiar with the school. I was lost. I just gave up and went home.”

JAKE: “Really?”

I was shocked. Kenny G. is usually the resourceful type.

KENNY G: “Yeah. I got in my car and cried. Then I drove home.”

JAKE: “You cried? How old were you?”

KENNY G: “Thirty-two.”

Picture it: 32 year-old Kenny G. sitting in his parked car with tears streaming down his face. That's sad jazz.

When Elmo heard the story, he imagined Kenny G. curled up in the backseat sucking his thumb; students and professors walking all around him. I’m not sure it was that bad. Still, Kenny G. probably needed a really big hug. Either that or a deep saxophone solo.

The good news is, Kenny G. went back to the U several years later and found his way straight to a Bachelors degree in English Literature. Hoorah! Congratulations, Kenny G. That’s really good Chi.

And now look at him- All grown up and making sound effects of Star Wars characters doing it.

KENNY G: “Raaaaaaaaaaaawwwwr! Raaawr! Wrooooooooooo!”

That’s one to grow on.