Who is Ernie?

The new guy at work is wearing a red and blue striped shirt, shorts, and sneakers. With his messy black hair and that goofy smile on his facem he is a dead ringer for Ernie from Sesame Street. Seriously, if you saw a photo of Ernie and then saw this guy in real life you'd swear he is Ernie!

No, Jake. No

Friday, January 9, 2009

Christmas isn’t the only time for gift-giving. Just yesterday, I booked 2 non-refundable tickets to Las Vegas in honor of Kenny G’s birthday next month. I didn’t check with him beforehand, I just booked the tickets and hotel room online.

You see, Kenny G. is the type of guy who never commits. He gives me the same song and dance every time I invite him anywhere. It goes like this:

JAKE: “Hey, Kenny G! I am having a party on Saturday. Wanna come?”

KENNY G: “This Saturday?”

JAKE: “Yeah. 7:00pm”

KENNY G: “Hmmm… Let me check with my wife and I’ll see what I can do.”

And then he doesn’t show up.


JAKE: “Kenny, a few of us are going out for drinks. Care to join us?”

KENNY G: “Drinks?”

JAKE: “Yeah, right after work.”

KENNY G: “Hmmm… Maybe… I’ll see what I can do.”

And he doesn’t show up.

You get the idea.

Tired of getting the shaft, I take matters into my own hands and decide there is no way ANYONE would turn down a free round-trip ticket and hotel stay on the Las Vegas strip. Boy, was I wrong.

KENNY G: (Cool as ice.) “I can’t go.”

JAKE: “What! Why not?”

KENNY G: “I just can’t.”

JAKE: “But, KG, these are non-refundable tickets. I can’t even transfer the name.”

KENNY G: “Are you going to guilt me into it?”

He was starting to soften.

Kenny G. and I have known each other for 13 years. We are pretty close. Or at least, I thought we were.

JAKE: “Kenny, we come back the eve of your birthday. You will still be able to celebrate your special day with your wife and family. C’mon! Let’s do it. Free drinks, strip-clubs, gambling. FREE roundtrip tickets and hotel accommodations. How can you possibly say no?”

KENNY G: “Jake, I just can’t.”

I didn’t know whether to cry or to punch him in the face. For a few minutes, I thought of doing both. Instead, I did neither. I could see by the crinkly expression in his eyebrows that he was really touched by my offer, but that for some strange and mysterious reason, he really couldn’t go. So I left work intent to badger him some more the next day.

After sleeping on it, I changed my mind. This morning, I walked over to his cubicle on the other side of the department and asked him to sign a book I had published for our friend, Ernie. It’s a hardback book featuring most of the entries from this very blog. I had everyone sign as a late Christmas gift. Ernie loves it! You can buy a copy at http://tinyurl.com/MyErnieBook It’s really good quality.

JAKE: “Kenny G., I didn’t really buy you a ticket to Las Vegas. I was just joking.”

KENNY G: “You jerk! My stomach was in knots last night.”

JAKE: “I’m sorry, it was just a joke.”

What else could I say? I didn’t want him to feel bad anymore, so I told him it was all a big lie at his expense. If Kenny G. isn’t able to fly with me to Vegas next month, at least he can feel better thinking it was a hoax.

Happy Birthday, Kenny G.

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